Caleb Caleb Caleb…

Caleb did great…for a few days…he. did. great!   I thought “Success! Problem solved!”

Do you see the but coming?

But then…slowly but surely…things began to change…my supply got imbalanced again and by yesterday he was struggling and not sleeping at all.  I realized that I was trading things that I thought were very important (breast milk & no pharmaceuticals) for things equally as important (his sleep & comfort..and my sanity and and and).  Although I believe breast milk is best…it is not for Caleb…at least not now and I can’t drag  him any of us through more of trying this and trying that.  I can go through all the in’s and out’s of all I tried –and boy did I try–and why my milk gets imbalanced…but that’s the bottom line.  I was desperate for my own agenda…due to my own insecurites…of not being “mom enough”.  When the important thing is that I am Caleb’s mom…and that’s enough…enough of a reason to give up my own agenda and give him what clearly helps him. I just want him to be comfortable and enjoy every precious, God-given moment with him and praise the Lord that his problems are small and the solution is simple.

So all-in-all…I have a (really expensive) formula fed-Prevacid takin’ baby  but…

He is comfortable and sleeping soundly…and my heart is so happy.

And on the bight-side…there are some serious advantages to a bottle-fed baby 🙂

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One Comment on “Caleb Caleb Caleb…”

  1. Heidi Hollenbach says:

    SO glad to see another post from you! I have been wondering how you were doing…but with family in town have had no time to go on FB, email or call. I have been thinking of you this week, anticipating your b-day and have been praying for you as I listen to a CD by Matthew West (do you have it yet? If not, it will be yr late b-day present). He has several songs that made me cry (and I know they will speak to you, too). You the the BEST MOM for Caleb…he needs your unique love and care–that’s why God gave him to you! And, thankfully, he is also giving you wisdom to know how to best parent him. NO judgement on my end…you are doing what is best for you, Caleb and your family. He is SO blessed to be held in your loving arms. I am glad that you are finally experiencing some peace amidst these few months of newborn-ness. 🙂 Love you and praying for you often! :)Heidi


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