Am I Mom Enough?

You’ve probably heard about the uproar surrounding this cover…When I saw it, I was pretty ambivalent…mmmm, wait…maybe not.  Honestly…It probably didn’t bug me because I flippantly answered “yes.” to the question, “Are you mom enough?” Mom enough to breastfeed?  Yep! Check.

Now it bugs me…

As you’ve heard, Caleb has had some struggles that the PICU docs diagnosed with GERD but his pediatrician later confirmed a hunch that he has a severe allergy to…something…most likely milk protein and soy. I had to discontinue breastfeeding immediately and switch him to a hypoallergenic formula until I rid my system of the proteins.  Could take 3-5 days…could take a month!

The first time I fed him this formula packed with corn syrup…I felt like I wasn’t mom enough.

I have rid my diet of the main reason I wake up in the morning…my latte! (and did I tell you I juuuuuust bought a latte machine the day before he was hospitalized??) I have ixnayed all milk, milk products (whey, casein…did you know most lunch meats are injected with casein and most breads contain whey…bummer!)  No soy…no caffeine…

I have taken probiotics orally and take the most potent ones in a cup of hot water…to clear my digestive system in hopes of passing on good-for-you stuff.

I have choked down tablespoons of Brewers Yeast and Vitagreens…

I put 5 drops of probiotics and teaspoons of Gripe Water in his mouth and even took him to see a doctor of accupressure and give him massages every night with essential oils.

I’ve read a 400 page book from a renowned gastroenterologist and 5 cookbooks…

I have pumped my breasts up to 10x a day to maintain my supply and freeze the “venom” (that’s what Mike calls it now :)) so I can donate it…

and yesterday I finally tried to feed my baby again…

and by midnight…all of his respiratory problems had returned, he vomitted, his belly was filled with painful gas and he was uncontrollably screaming all morning along with more bouts of reflux…

I am not so ambivalent anymore…this cover page doesn’t bug me! It hurts me.



One Comment on “Am I Mom Enough?”

  1. Heidi Hollenbach says:

    I am SO, SO sorry, Rechel. But, don’t give up, maybe you just need more time to allow all the allergic residue leave your body. And, please remember that you aren’t the only mom who isn’t able to breastfeed thier baby…you love Caleb with ALL your heart and he knows it. Cuddle him a bit extra tonight and thank God that he was born perfectly and that he was born into a home where he is surrounded by such safe, nurtuting love. I will be PRAYING that you and your amazing doc can figure out what is causing this awful reaction in Caleb, so that you can continue to take such great care of him. You are an amazingly devoted mom; I am proud of you, sister! ANY treats you CAN enjoy right now? Have been wanting to send you cupcakes, wine…what? Much love, Heidi

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